...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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