Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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