I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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