take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
