Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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