she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
