i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
