The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
