I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
