I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
ttyl tear gas
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
