I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
