I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
