Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
