Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
