hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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