remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
