All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
