Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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