you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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