guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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