hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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