OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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