R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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