well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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