your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
