im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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