I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
