But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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