Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
