I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
