nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
