I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
