Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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