..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
