I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
