he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
