Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
