It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
