Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
