I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
