Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You're like the curious george of whores
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
