Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
