sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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