someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He? As in you personified your dick?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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