I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
