I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Rumble strips road head = magical
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
