her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize