; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
