Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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