did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
If I die, sorry about rent.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
