At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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