Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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