I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Define "chronic" masturbator.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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