i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
