I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
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I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
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It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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