U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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