yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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