I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
