In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
