please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize