oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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