im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Redeem this text for a blowjob
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
