Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
