people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
