Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
