Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
