You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
