I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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