did you get engaged???
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
