Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
