Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
