my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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