mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize