You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
