she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize