You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
