took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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