i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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